Lucky to be Superstitious

For the day that’s in it.FB_IMG_1507905658495

From slumber’s dreary number and the bed I arose
And acting inexactly I stubbed all me toes
No relief from my grief could I find in the house
Like a plastic gymnastic I put the foot in my mouth

With gumption from the gums son I sucked on each toe
All eased and me pleased to the day I could go
Each foot in then put in a sock full of holes
And trousers were houses from me hips to me soles

I’d need a bailiff for me midriff but a shirt it would do
And my collar like a dollar from the vault brand new
To be lucky went my plucky rabbit’s right paw
And my three-legged beggar was the bravest you saw

The breakfast table well able to houl’ my boiled egg
Perched there like a lurcher atop a clothes peg
To slice her or splice her I could not decide
So I peeled her and keeled her into a cup’s inside

In my haste for the taste the salt I dispersed
But bowled ‘er o’er the shoulder for fear I’d be cursed
Now fed up I sped up myself to go out
But disaster was me master I let forth a shout

My front door where fate stored two windy washin’ men
With ladders like adders would I leave home again?
Engagements are enragements but the bullet must be bit
So under and rent asunder by the bucket I’m hit

My fingers shortly linger through my hair and I drip
With soggy feet on down the street enduring the trip
My eye there on the sky air I gaze to the light
A lonely magpie I now spy to add to my plight

From my mouth then heading south then a green spit I fire
So tomorrow before sorrow on me does retire
In desperation at my station I look for his mate
But what dog’s do on the both shoes I’ve left it too late

The foul stench like an oul wench I gave the brogues a scrape
And gambled as I rambled to see mouths all agape
Council workers the shirkers like men cutting corn
And they’re frettin’ and bettin’ on who’ll fell the fairy thorn

“Holy Jaysus don’t leave us! At risk are your lives,
Any man dear that lifts a tool here gets this bunch of fives
The fairy folk without a joke will be less than pleased
At JCBs and machinery disturbing the peace.”

Well I raced free as they chased me like the hounds that they were
And cut me face all around the place on those branches hangin’ there
Nearing death I regained me breath ‘twas time for a drink
To the nearest bar like a jaguar I needed time to think

One John Powers for such hours I gave him a quick end
With a toast to the host who was now my best friend
A Guinness and my sins blessed with a whiskey from Coleraine
New bravery agin such knavery I headed on again

In the fresh air returned the pressure when there across the street
A black cat, me on me back and me arse for me feet
“To hell with you rusty horseshoe you didn’t work at all!”
But ‘twas upside down causing me to frown and hence the fall

The latest twist on this fateful list I thought a pure disgrace
Council men circled me again outside Tom’s place
“You’re trouble mate at a double rate not a sinner in the town
Will touch the tree for money free never mind cut it down!”

“Now take the shaft,” the blaggard laughed, “I’ll have you swing first,”
My worst fears surely bound here I knew I’d be cursed
I was ushered in a great hush half the town held its breath
To defy me woes I crossed my toes and struck expecting death

But great relief belied my belief the strife soon began
But none to me as you will see the fate of each council man
Their bowels like vowels went A E O U
And atrocities at velocities through the air flew

Their underpants didn’t stand a chance and filled to the brim
With dreadful juice as from a sluice that made their toes swim
The squelching and the belching their insides insane
Sometime would pass before each sorry ass touched a fairy thorn again

So fair warning each morning now hear it from me
Take bad luck over no luck you never know what you’ll see
My conclusion to confusion is use all your wishes
And say it loud and be quite proud to be superstitious

About divilthebit

Husband/father/musician (guitar, banjo) singer/songwriter/poet, storyteller, writer (www.nuthollow.com) Irish speaker, B&B proprietor http://www.wix.com/divilthebit/teachancheoil
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